Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Something feels auspicious about this date--the double 19 itself, the ending of a time in Montreal with a friend and the return to a summer of preparation for a second year in a position at work that will be busy, overwhelming, stressful--if, at least, I live it as I did the first year. What am I in search of here? How can writing be more a part of my life? I will explore that in the days and weeks ahead . . . .

Half a year later . . . .

Why bother keeping these blogs going? Not sure, except I'm not sure how to capture the content so I can use it elsewhere, or at least archive it; don't have the time to do so and hoping this coming summer can be the time to work on this; and just stubborn, I guess.

In search of peace, fulfillment, bettering the planet and the people on it, dismantling the structures created by those whose goal is to dismantle government institutions designed to protect our Rule of Law and the Constitutional underpinnings and bulwark of various agencies, regulations, laws, and people who have been in place to defend the rights or all, not just the rich or the religious.

May 2018 uncover new ways of moving forward with strength, stamina, and ultimately, success.

Checking In

Still here, after all these years. Also, back to working on photography. I hope that some of these pictures will encourage me to work harder and smarter at the photos I take. A photography class (week 3 coming up) is already helping.
 

July 2016

It's hard to believe this was 7 years ago, but not because it seems so long ago but because somehow this has faded into what seems like an even more distant background. I think in part it's because my body and mind were there, but my soul wasn't. I wasn't engaged in the whole enterprise in a way that I was passionate about. I learned a lot, I had some interesting experiences, but I also see it as an opportunity where much was also lost for silly reasons. Another reminder to determine what's important in life and to make the most of ALL opportunities.

Looking Back

I should have been reflecting as I finished the weeks, and I'm amazed at how much I wrote in the first weeks and then totally fell down on the job for the remaining weeks. I left in the morning on Friday, July 16 for a trip to Boston, then NYC to see my friend Tom and his wife. I had trouble leaving. The last couple days found me grumpy and a bit emotional, even though I think I suffered from being homesick and a bit lonely the first two weeks. I also realized that though I really enjoyed Maine, I had ambivalent feelings about all the reading and the acquaintences I made, not so much because I didn't enjoy everything, but because I realized I wouldn't really want this type of situation to continue. It was what it was--a gathering of people whose lives had been temporarily left behind who had gathered for a particular purpose. That part hadn't changed; it wasn't like I was back in high school journalism camp at Ball State University where I fell hard for a fellow camper from some high school in Indiana. Oh, I don't want to go, he's so cute, etc., etc.

So what was the concern? And this may also answer my friend Lucy's question about what I've learned from this little adventure. In part, it was that for five weeks, even though there were distractions of many kinds, and the expectation that I would go to the meetings and do the work, it still very much felt like I could focus on and do what I wanted. Take a bike ride on a sunny afternoon? Sure! Go to ladies' night out? Of course. There developed a fear and a certain sadness that such freedom would not translate back to Cincinnati. Yes, I could bike there. Sure I could meet friends. But there would be the reminder of the school work to prepare, the writing to do, the house that needs so much work, and even more pleasurably, the sons with whom I'd like to spend some time. In other words, my world, like everyone's I'm sure, is multiple with many more reasons to be pulled off-task. And, I realized yet again, I am not the world's best and ablest focuser. I find it difficult to harness my energies to accomplish the task at hand, partly because I find it hard to answer (or don't want to answer) the question of what "the" task is that is at hand. This one or that? (or that? or that?)

Unless I want to continue to struggle and feel somewhat less than satisfied with any or all of the things I do seek to accomplish, I will have to figure this one out--how to get the jobs done with less anxiety and stress over them. I'm supposing I'm not the only one with this trouble, but I think some have found the knack for putting the necessary blinders on, and somewhat happily, to get jobs done sequentially. Any and all ideas welcome.

I did also learn that I can contribute to a new group of people and come across as intelligent and even somewhat interesting. I told that to a friend and he said, so why did you ever doubt that? That's good to hear, too. But in our routines, I think it's far too easy to get lost under the burden of what needs to get done next and forget that each of us has talents that other people appreciate and that are worthwhile seeing the light of day. Ah, confidence. Another slippery concept, like focus and organization, that can benefit from some reinforcement.

Another non-surprising observation is that I love being able to step out of the house and find an interesting place to walk (the beach, the woods) and to be able to walk or bike to places I need to go. I've been threatening to sell my house for years, but this complicates things. I can't walk or bike to anything here in the burbs, but I do love the nearby parks and the lush foliage that the east side offers that Clifton, for example, and even Oakley, just doesn't have in like measure. Since I also realized I like to be around people more than I find easily possible here in Anderson, however, that may push things over the edge to population of humans as opposed to trees.

So lessons that are clear and others that aren't so clear are still important, right? Well, yes, if I have the ability and energy and stamina to follow through with what I've learned from these things. I feel the need to plunge into work which I also find myself at the same time resisting. I do think being better about setting aside not only work time, but play time, is crucial both to enjoy life and to plan for it. The blog was useful for feeling connected, even if it was illusory. Obviously, I felt less of a need as the weeks went on and life became a little busier and somewhat more complicated. But it is a useful mechanism to sort things out, record memories, and to close chapters--while leaving doors open--as I'm about to do now.

Another Sunny Weekend

It's Saturday, and I'm keening to take off again. Took a boat trip to Wood Island Lighthouse on Thursday and a day trip to the Portland environs, including Wiscasset north of Portland where the little hut called Reds was recommended as having the best lobster roll in Maine. It was a full lobster on a bun, and the picture shows me more than half way finished. You can see why I'm happy.

Sunshine

Yes, it's official. We saw the sun yesterday for a good part of the day. Of course, it didn't last, but it was glorious--shining brightly, then fogged in, then shining tentatively and then brightly again for hours before the thunder in the distance warned that we wouldn't close out the day without more rain. A few drops dampened a walk in Portland after dinner at a wonderful tapas bar, but the real rain held off until I was in bed, which is when it provided a soothing backdrop to sleep.

Keep this on the lowdown, but sunshine expected today and tomorrow as well. Crazy!